When my past calls..
You know.. there are times when certain items or things remind me of you, and that’s what brings the memories back to me. But not for one second do I miss you. For the longest time, I wanted you to be my friend again. You knew that, and yet, you still chose to hurt me. I would’ve done anything for you just be my best friend again. Looking back, it all seems silly to me. I feel stupid just looking back at it. All those lonely nights crying about how our friendship just turned so cold, all those nights replaying in my head what happened, and what I could’ve done to fix it. Makes me feel stupid just thinking about it.. I must’ve looked so stupid. You know.. it hurts to know the one person you thought would ALWAYS be there for you- ISN’T. & you couldn’t have even saved me all the torture, and just tell me that you just didn’t wanna be my friend anymore. Ignoring me, and leaving me with unanswered questions was what confused me the most. You told me you stopped being my friend because you didn’t want to be a bad friend to me anymore when the truth was, you just didn’t wanna be my friend. The truth does hurt. But it’s what I wish you would’ve just told me. That way I wouldn’t have been anticipating the day we would become friends again. Silly, isn’t it? Stupid of me, yes. I guess you were so important to me, that i wasn’t even thinking about all the bad things you did to me. 6 years of friendship. Gone. In what felt like a second. Those 6 months of my life that went by without you, were honestly, unbearable, but I’m here.. standing. I love you for leaving, but that’s about all I can say. If I could do it all over again, I would. I would go through all that pain again, just to realize what I do now. There is so much I want to say to you. There’s still so much frustration in me, but that’ll do no good, now would it. I blamed myself for the longest time, when I should’ve just let it be. Honestly, I don’t even know how you could’ve just cut me out of your life like that, but hey- I’m not you. I wish I would’ve knew what I know now.. I don’t need you.. I never did. I’m not saying that to be rude, that just how I feel. I never did, huh? I relied on you so much, and maybe that’s something I shouldn’t have done. Sometimes I think about you.. but it’s not what you think. I think about the old you.. the one that I had such great memories with.. That’s when a smile appears on my face.. But no, I don’t think about your present self, that’s not someone I know, and that’s not someone I’m very fond of. It’s funny how we are nothing but strangers now.. It is what it is. I can no longer say I hate you for what you did, but instead, thank you for leaving, from the kindness of my heart. You may have given me pain for 6 months, but I think you saved me pain for a lifetime. So thank you.
